“I am trying to save you. Dream bigger… Do not have children. Do not do it to yourself.”
This is a quote from TikToker Sabrina Marie who went viral after sharing her thoughts postpartum. She is a 30-year-old first-time mom who says she loves her baby daughter deeply and is married to a supportive husband—in her words, she’s “someone who did everything right”—yet her warning to women is that motherhood is still not worth it.
Her video is worth the watch, as I think it accurately describes the sentiment behind a rising #ChildFree movement, where individuals (women in particular) are actively choosing, embracing, and promoting a child-free lifestyle. This should not come as a shock to us as U.S. fertility rates have hit a historic low. In a recent survey, almost a quarter of Millennials and Gen Z say they do not plan to have children.
The reasons Sabrina and others give are familiar: the economy, climate change, political chaos, the loss of personal freedom. But behind all of this is something deeper—a worldview issue.
From Legacy to Lifestyle
For most of human history, having kids was not only a given, but economically necessary. They were often seen as blessings and something that brought purpose to a person’s life. Contrary to popular belief, first feminists such as Mary Wollstonecraft believed that motherhood was one of life’s most meaningful and empowering roles. The question, “Do you want to have kids?” between two people contemplating a relationship together was simply unfathomable.
However, as feminism progressed and abortion/contraception became easily accessible, the narrative changed. As a result, children today are no longer seen as a natural part of adulthood, but as an optional—and sometimes inconvenient—lifestyle choice.
This has prompted a new way of thinking from generational to self-fulfillment. From sacrifice and duty to autonomy. From transcendence to immediate gratification. Instead of asking, “What kind of legacy do I want to leave?” people are asking, “What kind of life do I want to live?”
The secular worldview, deeply influenced by feminism and its individualistic emphasis on being unencumbered, tells us that to be truly happy, we have to be free—free from obligations, expectations, and anything that holds us back. And there’s no denying it: children do hold you back. Parenthood requires dying to yourself in a thousand ways every day. It demands love when you’re empty, patience when you’re exhausted, and joy when you’re overwhelmed. That kind of sacrificial life just doesn’t fit our modern blueprint of success or a “put yourself first” mentality.
But what if the problem isn’t children? What if the problem is the unrealistic expectation that life should always feel fulfilling and that suffering sacrificially is a bad thing?
Rewriting the Narrative
This isn’t about shaming people who are struggling with the idea of parenting. It’s hard. It’s messy. And in today’s world, it’s often a thankless, disrespected, and unsupported job.
We need to tell a better story; one that affirms both the cost and joy of raising children. One that embraces motherhood and fatherhood not as a loss of self, but as a deepening of it. We need more voices saying, “Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it will change you. But that change might be the very thing your soul needs.”
The decline in birthrates is not just a demographic problem. It reveals what we believe about freedom, purpose, suffering, and the future. It shows us what we worship—and what we fear. The only way we are going to be able to address this problem is to first address the worldview problem. Here are some questions to help us process this:
- What are the sources of purpose, fulfillment, and identity in life?
- Are we completely autonomous individuals, or do we have certain duties and responsibilities as human beings? If so, who is that responsibility to? (God, your spouse and children, church, government, society, etc.)
- How does hardship and sacrifice fit into the human experience? Is it necessary, inevitable, to be avoided, or embraced?
- What is the value of a child? How do we see them as both an individual and the role they play in our lives (and beyond)? What does this say about the value of parenthood?
- When are appropriate situations or contexts to not have children? How might our fear vs. hope for the future impact our answer?
I’ll answer #4 for us: in the Christian story, children are never seen as interruptions to adult life. They are life. Parents, reflecting their Creator, are creators themselves. Parents love children unconditionally as God loves us. With faith and a human heart, it is easy. Jesus himself shows great concern and value for children, calling us to have faith like them (Matthew 18:3-4). They’re part of the good, hard, beautiful work of shaping the next generation. They’re not accessories or projects—they’re people, made with eternal purpose.
I feel for mothers like Sabrina, who have, in fact, been told a lie. Motherhood does come with hardship, but hardship is not the enemy. And oftentimes, if not always, there is true joy and fulfillment on the other side that no career, vacation, or sense of child-free freedom can hold a candle to.
Below is a clip from our interview with Contributor Erika Bachiochi, a Catholic legal scholar who wrote The Rights of Women: Reclaiming a Lost Vision (2021). In this clip, Erika discusses how changing the narrative starts with ennobling the work of the home and emphasizing the true significance of raising children. For two more Praxis Circle interviews that go in-depth into the role of family, check out Contributors Mary Eberstadt and Ashley McGuire.
The decision to have children (or not) is deeply personal. But it’s also deeply shaped by the stories we’re told about what makes a life meaningful. If we want to revive a culture that values family and life, we need more than economic incentives or climate action agreements. We need a renewed worldview—one that sees children not as a threat to the good life, but as part of it.
